so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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