I wish I only lived at night.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize