im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
