why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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