I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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