Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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