my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
