An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
