Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
