You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
