Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
