There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
