I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
