Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
