Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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