proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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