we have pet lesbian snakes
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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