A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
