Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This baby is an asshole
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
