Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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