dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
