pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
