She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Text me some of your sweat
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
