I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have fence marks all over my body
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
