NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Operation Purity has been aborted
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
