she woke up with a sticky ear
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
