My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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