I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
