So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
