WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
