I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
