my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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