mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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