He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
