i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
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when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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