We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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