mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
