I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Success! We fucked roommates!
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