I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
