Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
