I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
