No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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