Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
