at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
