Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
