hell yes lets make some ravioli
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
