Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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