How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
