Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
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well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
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Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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