I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
