I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
