I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
