Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
