i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
