cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
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i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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