David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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