I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
