Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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