everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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