thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
