I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
it's like iHOP with fire
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
