I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
should my penis look like a turkey
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
