some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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