youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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