if i can run in heels then i can drive
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
