Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
