he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
