I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
