im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
