Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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