im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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